Accept praise because it's a gift
November 2026. By Mervin Straughan
Modesty is often considered a virtue. but the consistent downplaying of our achievements might indicate self-esteem issues. Modesty should empower us rather than diminish our confidence. It’s about balance and it depends on context.
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People who struggle with praise might do so because of deep-seated beliefs about their accomplishments and worth:
• Cultural or family conditioning—some cultures or upbringings emphasise the need for humility. This can be so strong that accepting compliments feels wrong.
• Discomfort with positive attention—some of us feel awkward being the centre of admiration.
• Fear of expectations—praise feels like pressure to always perform at an elevated level, leading to reluctance in accepting it.
• Imposter Syndrome—the individual doesn’t feel that they truly deserve the recognition and fear being “found out.”
• Internalised criticism—a history of criticism or our own negative self-talk makes praise feel alien or undeserved.
An inability to receive praise has never been a reason for a client to see me specifically but it has emerged as an obstacle. Coaches and counsellors might invite clients to reflect on why they shun praise while gently challenging their assumptions to help them embrace it.
I was taught a salutary lesson on this matter. A chief executive called me to his office to thank me for my work on an employee engagement project the night before.
“Great work, Mervin,” he said as I entered the room. “It was an impressive night.”
My default response was: “The team did such a good job.”
His facial expression changed. He was annoyed. “I know fine well what the team did and I’ll thank them. You’ve thrown that praise back in my face. How do you feel about that?”
I was dumbfounded. Deep down, I was upset for the offence caused. This automatic response in me had to change but I didn’t know what was prompting it.
The change began by acceptance albeit with much discomfort. It was only years later being able to process my core beliefs that I was able to understand what was going on and why it was right to acknowledge a job well done. I won’t go into the details but it was deep rooted and took much work to dismantle.
I’ve worked with many people who have experienced similar unease until they have both understood what is at play and the effect their dismissal has on the person taking the time to give praise.