Often, it's our perception that causes distress

By Mervin Straughan, April 2025

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus said that we're disturbed not by events, but by the view we take of them.

He meant that the way we interpret an event shapes our emotional response far more than the event itself.

It’s a view that is strongly associated with modern psychological approaches, chiefly Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). In a nutshell, the Epictetus view is about focusing on what is within our control, in other words, our thoughts, actions, and responses while letting go of what can’t be influenced.

Of course, there will be some instances where the magnitude of the situation can’t be ignored but in many cases, it’s about perception.

The redundancy announcement is an often-cited example where one employee might respond with sheer panic at a company’s plans to downsize whereas another might see an opportunity to grow in a role or elsewhere or to take up a pursuit they have, until now, put on hold.

It sounds a big ask at first but with regular practice, this approach is a gamechanger and applies throughout all aspects of our lives.

Another often-used example is that someone waves to another person across the street, but there is no wave back or acknowledgment. An immediate thought might be that the other person 'doesn’t like me' or 'I must have done something wrong' which can trigger feelings of hurt or insecurity. However, reframing this to: ‘They must be preoccupied at the moment’ reduces the emotional distress markedly.

CBT encourages the client to explore the interconnectedness of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours and this reveals why distorted or unhelpful thought patterns, such as catastrophising or personalising, can lead to negative emotions and maladaptive behaviours.

Instead, we are encouraged to identify and challenge these cognitive distortions and replace them with more balanced and evidence-based thoughts.

It’s about perception. Through regular practice, we can learn to observe and reframe our thoughts, thereby transforming our emotional experiences and responses to life's challenges.

Not only does this develop resilience, it empowers us to navigate ways through our complex human existence with increased clarity and composure.