Who are our five people?

by Mervin Straughan
February 2020

“You're the average of the five people you spend most time with.”

The late Jim Rohn — described as one of the leading business philosophers — gave us that quote.

And if the observation rings true, then, it might be a good idea to carry out an influence audit of those whose company we keep personally and professionally. It's useful to recognise the impact they have on our goals and growth.

When we discuss our intentions, our hopes and our fears with our fellow passengers on life's bus journey, we want constructive challenge and moral support. And while we don't want blind devotion — which can be damaging — we don't want the fears or misaligned thinking of others projected onto us and sabotaging our efforts consciously or unconsciously.

Carrying out a close people audit might bring uncomfortable truths to light. The aim is to gauge how healthy these relationships are for our personal growth and wellbeing. Which ones do we cultivate and which might we cull?

NO PERSON IS AN ISLAND
Rohn's quote resonates with the words of the seventeenth century English poet and preacher John Donne who said no person was an island.

This might resonate in the world of commerce and industry where leaders find fewer peers as they reach their organisation's pinnacle. It's a mistaken belief that at this level, they have all the answers and, therefore, don't need others for challenge, insight and support.

However, being an effective leader requires confidence and determination but it's a challenge to remain permanently topped up with rocket fuel motivation. Sometimes leaders feel isolated in the workplace and close to running on empty.

PROFESSIONAL SOUNDING BOARD
As a result, it might be that the five people they spend the most time with discussing work matters are mainly from family and friendship circles. This can be invaluable in terms of moral support but might lack the type of organisational sounding board and objectivity they need for workplace decision making.

In view of this, it's a good idea to build a network of objective listeners who serve the role of sounding board. One might be a mentor.

Some leaders include a life coach. Their role is not of mentor but facilitator. They bring a non-directive approach and a process to gain clarity about a current situation and to generate solutions for reaching a different position on a range of issues.

No matter how strong we are, most of us need people around us. We want to think out loud. We want someone to listen and provide feedback.

Although, ultimately, we take responsibility for our actions, having the ears and potentially diverse perspectives of five close connections with our best interests at heart can give us what we need to make more informed decisions.

Getting on the right bus for life's journey is important. So, too, is our choice of fellow travellers.

• Check out Mervin's pocket-sized self-coaching book Imagine Life As Three Bus Journeys. Printed by Lightning Source, it's available for £9.99 in the UK and $11.99 in the US. Retailers include Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com.