Change the self talk, change the outcome

Mervin Straughan
February 2020

A study reported in Harvard Business Review in 2013 looked at the type of feedback that helped fuel high-performing teams. The researchers found that a positive-to-negative ratio of 6:1 was the ideal. There appeared to be a genuine role for negative feedback provided it was carefully managed.

The challenge we face from cradle to grave though is that the mix is often less favourable. While we shouldn't expect life to be a walk in the park and recognise that some negative feedback or setback is essential for developing resilience, too much exposure can affect our perception of the world and how we function in it. This has been well documented.

Negative feedback — and some of it comes from within — is an element of negative conditioning which begins in our early years and is usually reinforced from that point. However, the good news is that we can learn to reduce its impact.

SELF GENERATED THROUGH SELF TALK
Filtering what we pick up from the media is a good start and we can boost our resilience by flipping setbacks to positive learning opportunities, spending time with those who support us and committing to a life of personal growth and reaching our potential.

Some negative conditioning is self generated through our self talk so monitoring and reviewing the conversations we have with ourselves is also a good place to explore.

Pioneers like Henry Ford, the father of modern assembly, and Thomas Edison, who patented the first commercially successful electric light bulb, were masters in writing their own dialogues. Their self-talk was programmed to help rather than hinder.

YOU'RE RIGHT
Ford, who is reported to have gone bust five times before finally succeeding, is credited with saying: "If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right." In other words, if we integrate what we tell ourselves into our belief system, we determine the outcome good or bad.

Edison is said to have made 1,000 attempts (some historical accounts quote much higher figures) to develop the first long-lasting lightbulb. When a reporter asked what it felt like to fail 1,000 times, he replied: "I've not failed. I've just found 1,000 ways that won't work."

Such quotes are often used in the life coaching arena because a positive attitude is the basis for success. The focus is on human potential so anything that assists the process is embraced.

A MODERN VIEW

For a more up-to-date view of the influence of self-talk as well as the talk of others, we can turn to American developmental biologist Dr Bruce Lipton.  He's known in recent years for finding that genes can be turned on and off by environmental signals — including thoughts, feelings and emotions — from outside the cell. He likens the cell to a computer chip with the environment tapping on the receptor keys on the surface of the membrane.

He also discusses in books, papers and Youtube presentations the power of the subconscious which, he says, will assume the driving seat 95 per cent of the time. For example, when we're walking down the street and having a thought, our conscious mind engages creatively in the thought and we lose attention to the street and everything else around us. The subconscious takes over.

This begs the question that if our autopilot subconscious is at the controls almost all of the time, how does it know the direction to take? What map does it use?

PRINT-OUT

According to Lipton, our lives are, effectively, print-outs of our subconscious. Much of the programming for this print-out took place during our first seven years when our minds were blank canvases and in combined states of imagination and reality. During these years, we downloaded programmes through observation of others such as our parents. He uses Greek philosopher Aristotle's statement: "Give me the child until he is seven and I will show you the man" to summarise.

So how do we programme or re-programme in adult life?

OLD TAPE-RECORDING MACHINE

While the conscious mind learns in ways such as reading books, watching presentations or taking part in a workshop, the subconscious doesn't. Lipton likens the subconscious to an old tape recording machine that simply records data and information. However, he says, there are three ways it can be programmed:

1. Repetition. Constantly repeating, creates new habits. The subconscious eavesdrops for instances of repetition. The individual needs to consciously play the new behaviour over and over and, eventually, the desired outcome registers with the subconscious. To change the habit that isn't supporting us, we need to engage the one that does.

2. Hypnosis. This works by accessing the channel to the subconscious that opens during the theta brainwave stage of the journey from consciousness to sleep.  When the conscious falls into sleep, the subconscious remains wide awake, fully operating. This is the same theta state that children are in during their early development.

3. Energy psychology or belief modification. This centres on the relationship of energy systems to emotion, cognition, behaviour and health. Lipton likens the use of such techniques to pressing a record button for the subconscious to rewrite a belief quickly by creating a 'super learning moment.'

POTENTIAL
Life coaches emphasise the impact of positive self-talk. It would be unwise to underestimate the far-reaching impact of the wrong kind of conversation in our head. The words we use to feed our minds have immense power.

Self-talk and the feelings that accompany it influence our attitude — how we view a situation or an object — and this, in turn, influences how we act. The right self-talk will determine our ability to succeed; the wrong kind will sabotage us.

Every day, we're bombarded by the scripts of others and those of our own creation. We can choose the wording of our own scripts and we can limit the negative effects of other people's or even use them as catalysts for something more positive.

If we change the talk, we can change the outcome.

• Self talk features in Mervin's pocket-sized self-coaching book Imagine Life As Three Bus Journeys. Printed by Lightning Source, it's available for £9.99 in the UK and $11.99 in the US. Retailers include Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com.